Iboga: Two Years Later
***New Update 6/22/17! I just finished a book, "Healing With Iboga" about experience with iboga! It includes information about what iboga is, my experience, and my tips to make the most of your experience as well as how to integrate back into everyday life! Available in paperback or kindle!***
Today is officially two years since I flew down to Costa Rica to the Iboga Wellness Center! It feels like such a lifetime ago that I arrived and met Gary, Jeff, Steven and the crew down there. I feel like I've lived a lot of life since then, and I know I've grown so much since I've experienced the healing effects of iboga.
The biggest change in my life is the arrival of my first baby, Rory Emerson Stein, on November 8th, 2016. Without a doubt, my experience with iboga gave me the mental strength to go through natural childbirth. My husband and I decided that we wanted the experience of an out of hospital birth with a midwife, which in turn, means no pain medication. Had I not had done iboga two years ago, I don't think I would have been mentally strong enough to endure it. One of the biggest tools and lessons I got from my experience was that everything I need is within me. I now even have a bracelet that I wear everyday that says, "All I Need Is Within Me." That couldn't be more perfect, right?? Well, childbirth was intense...and painful...but never for a second did I doubt that I could do it, because I kept reminding myself that all I needed was within me. As each contraction came and went, I knew I had what it took. It was amazing, and I am so grateful to have had the exact experience we wanted.
Since Rory was born two months ago, my daily routine of meditation and reiki has fallen off track. I have backtracked in my mindfulness, gratitude journal and some of the other positive habits and rituals that I incorporated into my life after my stay at the Iboga Wellness Center. All I can say is, being a first time mom and having a newborn is wildly unlike anything I have ever done before! There's certainly no doubt that it derails your normal routine! It didn't happen right away, but after about 7 weeks I felt myself starting to think more anxious thoughts. I've even had one or two anxious moments where I really had to be conscious of my breathing. I have to be honest. It's scary. It reminds me of what my life was like just two years ago, and I have had those scary thoughts that I am slipping back into those patterns. I get scared that my anxiety will consume me the way it once did. This is of course my ego trying to drag me down. I now have an ultimate sense of knowing that all I need to overcome these feelings is within me. I now know that I need to get back into my routine of meditation, reiki, mindfulness, gratitude journaling, etc., and I am doing just that. I have made it a non negotiable part of my day to include these activities because the stronger I am emotionally, the better of a mother I will be. I know I need to take care of myself first. I'll be honest, it's hard to get back into meditation after taking about two months off. It feels almost like I am starting over, but I know it needs to be done. I know I can do it, and I am. It's very similar to taking a break from working out at the gym and then going back. It's hard the first few workouts, and we can't lift nearly as much weight as we did before.
As I'm writing this blog post I know I am in the thick of the challenges that come with a new baby and I don't feel as shiny as I normally do. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that it's temporary, but everyday I forge ahead and try to remember to cut myself some slack. Some days are easier than others, but what's comforting to know now, is that with all these new challenges coming my way, I can handle them all. Not only can I overcome all of the challenges, but I will thrive and be stronger because of them.
Two years later and I can undoubtedly say that iboga still contributes to my life every single day.
**Check Out My New Book, Healing With Iboga, To Read About My Experience In Depth. Available In Paperback and Kindle Format.**